Cheating is so…

…20th Century…as if!!!!! There are so many different types of relationships these days, I often wonder why people confine themselves to these monogamous and personally restrictive situations when they know who they really are. Too often I’ve heard that the cheating kinda just happened but in reality it takes madddddd work to arrive at stepping out on your partner. I say work, like the emotional energy it takes to get there, assuming you’re not a complete asshole, the emotional choice it takes to arrive at cheating is not an easy road. I’m also guessing that if you’re in a committed relationship you probably are telling a lie about where you are or who you’re with when you’re cheating. Those things take serious time and effort and because it’s someone new, you’re bringing your A game which works but for so long because if you’re lying to both parties then eventually the shit will get messy.

Goddddddd…..why do this? Why be a cheater? The news headlines have been filled with men cheating on their women and while not publicized women are doing it too. However Cardi B made a banger called “Be Careful” and that shittttttt is so fiyah because it warns the man she’s with to be careful of the way he treats her because karma is a bitch. The lyrics resonate and vibrate super loudly in my head because I’ve been on both sides of the cheating situation and the karma gets you…she does. The stories that I’ve heard from my lady friends about the nasty ways they’ve been dogged out by the men who loved them is traumatizing. The things I’ve witnessed good male friends do to their partners is insane and I wonder and question out loud…WHY DUDE? Why??? Before any of y’all try to get technical on me, I’ll say my definition of cheating is stepping out on your partner in a way that will bring them pain if they were watching you on a dvd. That’s the most I could break it down. If they were watching your actions and they feel pain from the way you were moving.

So why cheat? Emotional connection. Sometimes you’ve stopped connecting with the person who you’re with and because you miss it, the door is open for someone else to come through. This is typically a work spouse, a close friend who you’ve always has sparks with or an online friend who is safe because of distance. Other times it’s because the sex is new. Oooooo new dick, new pussy, yay!!!!!!! That’s enticing for sure but for how long? The ego boost you get when someone new wants to sleep with you is through the roof. I’ve heard folks say it’s what they needed to get their spark back. Maybe. Are there conversations that spouses/significant others have before cheating takes place or what about afterwards? Is it enough to apologize for cheating and then things are the same? I already know the answer, nothing will ever be the same after cheating.

It boils down to honesty and integrity doesn’t it? Just like jobs, no one stays married for 30-40-50 years anymore. Nobody. The times are different and the traditional ways we’ve looked at jobs, marriage of family structure is completely transformed. We move on when we are no longer happy and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that IF there’s a conversation presented and things hashed out. I don’t think leaving a job or a person should be due to boredom. I believe firmly that a workable solution needs to be reached before anyone walks away. We love the idea of making things work but sometimes doing the work is harder than we expected. Yea…I got it. It’s scary to hear your partner say “I want to sleep with other people.” I don’t really know anyone personally who would be like Word? That’s what’s up…you should do that.” Da fucccck??!!? I wish a motherfucka would!!! Lmao! Actually someone did say that and the conversation didn’t go well because there was no conversation, it was more of a declaration…and after the fact. That turned into a BOY BYE situation which is and should be an option when presenting someone with a request to see other individuals.

The bottom line is give your loved one the option to choose what happens next. I know it’s bold to even suggest to your significant other the prospect of seeing others as a reasonable option, BUT if that’s what’s gonna happen anyway, they deserve to know. At least, I would want to know because I would get to decide what happens next. Also, a conversation with your significant other about your thoughts may transform something in your relationship. I think that it matters when people get to say what’s on their minds and hopefully they are with someone who can go deep with them and peel back the layers and get to the source of what’s causing this desire. Honesty is the name of the game, start with a conversation and try really hard to connect and hear the conversation as objectively as possible. I’m hoping that if people are met with calm, openness and workable solutions then the amount of damage could be minimized. However as human beings we have really complex emotions and I know there’s no cut and dry solution nor answer to stop cheating. I personally prefer a raw motherfunking truth because sweet lies are poison to my soul and I’m not having it. That’s when you go Angela Bassett Waiting to Exhale on a mothafucka.

You don’t want someone who loves you instead? I guess not though

It’s blatant disrespect, you nothin’ like the nigga I met

Talk to me crazy and you quick to forget

You even got me trippin’, you got me lookin’ in the mirror different

Thinkin’ I’m flawed because you inconsistent

Between a rock and a hard place, the mud and the dirt

It’s gon’ hurt me to hate you, but lovin’ you’s worse

It all stops so abrupt, we start switchin’ it up

Teach me to be like you so I can not give a fuck

Free to mess with someone else, I wish these feelings could melt

‘Cause you don’t care about a thing except your mothafuckin’ self

You make me sick, nigga

The above quote is from Cardi B’s Be Careful. You can listen here BE CAREFUL