The Swirl

I want to explore the topic of interracial dating. I think that I’m ready to explore the swirl and all of the interesting things that comes with it. Y’all met Stallion a few blog posts back and he was a good kick off to this swirl world. The attractive thing about him is that his heart is pure. He’s genuine and he also is aware enough to acknowledge injustice and had no qualms speaking his mind very publicly about the obvious racial and economic divide happening currently. He is aware and he is doing his part to even out the playing field. I’m not saying that’s all that it takes but it absolutely counts for something. I consider him an ally and I’d like to see what comes out of the business side of our interactions. Talking a good game doesn’t mean you’re an activist or someone breaking barriers but I will be paying attention to what you do. Assuming the conversation flows and the energy is right, the sexual encounters determine a lot too!!! There’s no way I’m gonna be dating anyone and settle for weak ass, one roud of sex that lasts 15 minutes. Booooooooooooo!!!!! That’s unacceptable and I’m not with it. If we are gonna connect and keep connecting then please bring your A plus stroke game. Impress me…do crazy shit…be different because I’m judging you. Lol. Stallion did that. Boyyyyyyyy he did that and let’s just say…it’s a HUGE part of the allure.

The only other time I ever remember being really attracted to a white man was when I was 15 or 16 and his family owned a shop where I used to go on vacation. We used to just interact with each other and chat during the summer. We were both awkward but we were still pure and innocent. He would sneak out on breaks to chat with me and I’d write him notes to take with him. One day we had this electric kiss that took my breath away. We literally both smelled like the ocean, the stars were bright, the air was blanketed with humidity and attraction and everything aligned. We kissed and every single butterfly in the universe of my mind resided inside of my tummy in that moment. It was a kiss that I can recall 20 years later and I can still feel his hands around my waist and his broad chest rising and falling under my hands. That summer was the best ever. I’ll just call him The Cherry Popper. Flash forward to 20 years later, I’m having similar heart palpitations because Stallion kissed me like that too. Omg!!!! Maybe I’m a sucker for a good romantic story.

Mr. Aquarius is a hater because he gives me a hard time for even liking Stallion to begin with. He jokingly but very seriously called me a hypocrite because there’s absolutely no way that I could be pro black, pro black family, pro black education AND DATE a WHITE MAN!!! He said there’s no way in hell that dating a white man could fit into my very pro black agenda. Was he right? Is there some truth to what he’s saying? Could I be Ms. Black Power, raising a Black Child and still be in a situation with a white man? Honestly, it wasn’t something I’d given much thought to because unless I personally knew a white man from a mutual location, I was NOT going out of my way to befriend them under any circumstances. Honestly, white men have been at the bottom of my list as far as dating goes because of all the foolishness, fuckery and wild shit they engage in and neverrrrrrrrrrr get penalized for at all. I think I intentionally avoided white men because of how much shit they’ve given everyone who isn’t a part of their clubs or communities. I just wasn’t ever sure that I’d be safe and at home with a white man. That thought is still there. I’m not entirely sure that I would ever feel at home or at ease in the company of a white man and his white family. Real talk.

Writing that was difficult but it’s actually true. Historically speaking, the way in which white men and black women have interacted has been nothing short of horrifying. Slave masters who actively raped, defiled and abused the women that they bought and then discarded them is a vision that haunts every part of me. The thought of my ancestors being subject to traumatic encounters that we still cannot shake resonates deep within my soul. These are the images and thoughts that’s had me keep white men at a distance. However, there is a part of me that knows it’s not all white men, not all are a part of a boys club, not all are like their families and not all are out to satisfy a fetish. There are some white men who are allies, who do work very hard to be better, to tear down their biases and be better MEN…I can and do respect that. Those white men are the ones who intrigue me and I’m interested in picking their brains and asking uncomfortable questions so we can unpack together. The dating world is an interesting place and I want to encounter people with courage, vulnerability and the willingness to talk and disrobe until we are blank canvases. That’s appealing to me. Stallion wasn’t a stranger, so we cut through a lot of the pretending. His spoken words, him sharing his story about who he is and why he is the way he is resonated with me. Once we got past the race stuff and we get down to the heart of the matter, I am game. Because the outer shells are important but so is the sum of the whole being.

Just like dating black men or Latino men, once we establish who we are and what we want, dating a white man becomes dating a man. The layers that are needed to be peeled back is critical because ultimately we all want to be seen for who we are in totality. However I also think that we want someone who speaks our emotional language and feeds our spiritual and higher self. There’s something particularly special about someone who makes you feel like you can be gotten after so many people hit and missed. There’s a special and soft place for someone who inspires and amazes you simply by being who they are. There IS something uniquely special, kind, open and heart warming about Stallion that interests me. It’s deeper than his physical but it has everything to do with his light, his glow and his ambition. But even deeper than that, it’s his eyes, his sincerity, and his humanity that appealed to me and I’m a sucker for that. Sure, he a white man but he’s a beautiful, pure and bright spirit as well. He is in a space right now that I get too well. I overstand and I wish him well. I know he is probably wondering how the hell do I fit into his world? He may be thinking that I don’t. I could be representing a lesson he still needs to learn, but either way I have so much gratitude, honor and respect for a man so beautiful. That part makes him rare.

I say all this to say, while I date casually it takes a lot for me to be in awe of you. It takes a lot for any man of any color to make me feel butterflies and to awaken something different inside of me. The funny thing is that while I’m interested in what people are saying to me and how they interact with me, I’m equally invested in how they live their lives. I’m interested in his interactions with his family, how he shows love, how he puts energy into his day, how he gives thanks, how he mourns, how he grieves and how he heals himself after heartbreak. I think that seeing someone as they are without their walls is a sacred and beautiful thing. I believe though that it’s extremely difficult and it takes time. I don’t know if Stallion and I will ever get to that point but he’s told me and shown me enough to have me believe in what he’s doing even if we never talk again. I can’t explain it but he is worthy of my positive thoughts and well wishes. I am open to dating seriously someone who is better than my solitude no matter what their race. The characteristics of someone who is vulnerable, realistic, kind, honest, aware and communicative is what makes an appealing partner. These are the things that attract me and will eventually keep me.

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