I rather be real about who I am instead of JUST being nice for the sake of niceness. You feel me? There is so much expectations from women to be nice. We raise girls to be polite, to smile, to fall back and to be lady like for appeasement and acceptance from whom? We teach girls that their edges must be laid, and they should speak softly and learn how clean and cook well, often it is not with the intention of being self sufficient but rather to be marriage material for a man. Get the fucccccccccck outta here will all that noise. Raising children in my opinion should be teaching them about chasing their dreams, while putting in the work to make sure the dreams materialize. I believe we teach them practical skills so they can eat, live in a clean environment, make, and keep money and a combination of street smarts and common sense. The goal is to make them the best for themselves, proud of themselves, loving to themselves BUT never to be molded for someone’s vision of who we think they should be.
Let’s dive back into the reason for this post, nice for fucking what? What does it mean for me to be nice when I do not want to be? What it means for me is that I am allowing energy that I do not have to be shared with someone who may not be deserving of my niceness to begin with. Why should I or any woman be fucking nice when we are approached by a man or men with predatory intentions? Why should I be nice to anyone other than because I choose niceness? Why does it have to be so I can protect my body, my energy, my safety, my sanity, my own god damn well being? Why should I be nice to a dude who buys me a drink I did not ask for? Why should I be nice to a man simply because he has expressed interest that I am not compelled to reciprocate? Tell me why? Because I would be a bitch otherwise? I’d be angry? I should be lucky a man wants to holla at me? I should feel privileged because I have the attention of a man who I have zero interest in? This is what I think Drake gets when he made Nice For What and filled it up with actresses who are bad ass, powerful and owe their niceness to no one. I find immense happiness in being kind, be real, being charismatic and a lover of human beings. I will generally have a warm disposition because that is who I am always. However, what I will not do anymore is extend niceness to anyone who thinks my niceness is a guarantee and a sure thing. Niceness as a default expectation is one that is unfairly placed on women all the time. The moment a woman elects to not be nice, it seems like it gives everyone around her the license to judge and dictate who she should be. Fuck That.
We do not give men a hard time when they are not nice. Why? There are nice guys but then those same nice ass guys become guys who grow resentful when women do not act the way that they want them to. That is faking niceness because NICE guys give women the space to be who they are without expectation and do not get mad when we reject their advances because a conversation can take place. We do not tell men to smile and look happy. We do not tell men to be nice and kind so women can desire them. We do not tell men to keep their figures because women are watching. We do not tell men that they are bitches when they are justifiably mad and outraged. We do none of these things to men. Women all the time have to carry the burden of being good and nice. BOOOOOOO. I would like to be who I am and still be seen as a person who is multidimensional, diverse and containing many chapters in a very large book. My thoughts affect my actions and some of my thoughts are unpleasant and I have a lot to work through. Those days require a lot of effort and a lot of internal peace, and outwardly I may not be nice. The world is just going to have to deal with that.
I would tell my teenage self to be kind the to person in the mirror. I would tell her not to bend, conform or pretend so that I could have an easier time. I would tell young me to seek out people who are encouraging, kind and know what real love looks like because it is easy and it does not compromise my internal value system. I will tell my young self to cry, make a big deal and seek out help when things were hard. I would say to the younger version of me that my life matters, my interests matter, I am lovable, writing IS a real thing and that could be a job if I stick with it. I would say that niceness is overrated when it becomes a chore and a means for survival. I would tell myself and all women and girls that in the end none of these people outside of you is worth your joy, peace of mind, happiness and you do not have to conform to anyone’s standard of acceptance. My life is mine alone and I choose to fill it with women and men who can Take Me As I AM and as I am not. I choose to honor my friends who say no when they simply just cannot go anymore. I accept and honor the women who say ENOUGH, who aren’t nice, who are not polite and wear their truths as tattoos, piercings and whatever else makes them happy. Niceness is not a given, and it is not my permanent state of being. It is something afforded to those who I choose to extend it to and that is all there is to it.