…before you can ever bring me into your storm. As a person I strive to be principled. I can be objective because generally I like peace and I like folks to get along as best as possible. I don’t like to stir the pot, I’d rather listen, offer advice and then see where it goes. I don’t like taking sides and if I can I’d rather stay away from any kind of conflict. It’s uncomfortable and it weighs too heavily on my heart. I don’t like that. However there are moments when objectivity goes out the window and I get to pull back and say nahhhh I’m good, you got it. There are times where someone is so incredibly toxic that nothing in me wants to align with any part of them. I just think that some situations have to die a fiery death because the current situation is far too toxic.
I made the choice of stepping back from a toxic person not too long ago and it was a choice that made me uneasy when I did it BUT at no point was there regret. The amount of hate and insecurity this person possesses is a little unbelievable and I’d almost forgotten until I saw that person today. I know for sure I pulled that person to me because I’d been thinking of her lately. I’d been think of her and sending her good vibes and well wishes because honestly I feel like she really needs it. I smiled at her and while smiling I was thinking of all the things I could have said but instead I just continued to send her good vibes. She left the space we were in but not before telling me that I shouldn’t smile at her and some other mumblings I couldn’t make out. Welp! Nobody is going to tell me not to smile because TUHHHHHH….you’re dead wrong. Furthermore regardless of what happened and I have zero intention of being her friend, I’m not going to adjust my love for humanity and my light to satisfy her insane ego.
I was affected and I guess I’m still affected by that kind of behavior because it’s odd to me to hold on to something that has happened so long ago. I’m irked by the situation because I do not understand why she would be the one to be angry or hold on to a grudge. It’s preposterous and outrageous given the way she’s acted and frankly the thought that she could tell me what to do with my energy is laughable. I wish her well though and her family well and everything she is experiencing I wish for her an easy time. I can’t ever imagine being so tight that five months later, the only thing I could do in a public space with someone I used to know is to stop to tell them not to smile at me. Really? Your energy is that low? It must be hard to be that mad. I don’t want that for anyone. In my spirit a long time ago, I was told that she wasn’t for me but I’m stubborn and I always like to push boundaries. However the element of control and the way in which she operates and tries to control people in her life is pretty scary and oppressive. I couldn’t ever maintain a friendship with anyone like that.
What have I learned here? Well what I know is that people are who they are and their experiences of the world and me is valid in their eyes. I can only control what I do, what I feel and how I react to the outside world. What I’m capable of is absolute happiness and connection with those I come into contact with. What I’m also capable of is absolute revenge, rage, anger and vengeance. That part of me is unnecessary in this situation. I am disturbed but I know in Time I’ll be less annoyed and bothered. I’m okay knowing that while she bothered me, I refused to let her dim my light…I mean she cannot. Her space that she’s standing in is hers and hers alone. I am sorry that she feels like my space, my presence and my way of being is not what she wants but oh well. She is a lesson in patience, observation and trusting my own intuition. I’ll continue to see her and I’ll continue to be gracious, unmoved and full of light. The energy I have is good vibes and it’s for anyone to access because why would I ever withhold love, light and connection? The love and light is for everyone and it cannot be contained. There will be many who will not like me and many who will like me. Either way the love and light stays exactly the same.