Mother’s Day is Fucking Overrated

On the eve of this wack ass holiday I have so much to say about it. Personally I feel like Mothers Day is the most commercial of all commercial holidays AND it triggers people like crazy. Mother’s Day is dope if you have a mom that was motherly and you really want to be with her like that. But for some of us, those of us who don’t fuck with our mothers like that, the shit is overwhelming and dreadful. I used to dig Mother’s Day as a kid because I would put all my effort into making my mom a card and writing her a cute poem. Then I became a teenager and the shit got weird. We weren’t close, we were on opposing teams, she didn’t like me and I was scared of her and I didn’t respect her because of the way she was with me. I wasn’t trying to fuck with her at all on Mother’s Day and it seems like if I didn’t I was made to feel badly. I never did. I still don’t. I won’t ever because Mother’s Day is a fake fucking holiday.

Okay that was the ranting portion of it. The deeper aspect of it, is that I know way too many people who have these crazy, volatile relationships with their mothers. Mothers are people who are just trying to get through their life. Some do their best and others do what they can and others don’t give a shit. There’s a whole spectrum of all kinds of mothers. But the reality for me is that my child doesn’t owe me shit. I chose to bring her into this world, it’s my duty to love her, nurture her, pour love and energy into her EVEN when I don’t want to, feel like it or can’t. I have to find a way to give her my energy, give her the best of me because she did not ask to be here. Without her, I wouldn’t even have a day to celebrate. So let’s give it up for the kids shall we? I’m salty as fuck because my mother doesn’t think like that. She legit made it seem as though it was burdensome and hard as fuck to be my mom. She did not make me valued, seen, acknowledged or heard in the ways that mothers should be mothering. I knew I damn sure was never going to be who she wanted me to be and at the time I gave a fuck but I always came up short.

I also hate that my birthday is close to Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day as a mom was excruciating. I had split up with my daughter’s dad, I had a 5 month old who was so cute but also really tough work and I cried every single day. I was in the deepest depression of my life and I did not write, I did not blog, I did not yoga, I did nothing but think about all the reasons why I needed to die. I thought about who I would leave my daughter with, and I was thinking of ways to kill myself. I was sad. Everyone was asking me about Mother’s Day but no one was thinking about my birthday which was the next day. People really ignored the person and focused on what they thought would be joyful for me. But if you know me, or know anything about me you’ll know that you have to ask me questions about me and not talk in generalizing ways. I won’t hear you. I don’t get close to people because honestly people don’t really hear you nor see you beyond their own limitations. I get that. I am not mad at that. I would just rather not talk if it’s just going to be surface shit.

My opinion was that I was dying in front of everyone and no one fucking cared. Nobody really cared about the person who was in front of them, thinking about ways to die. If we aren’t going to be checking on the mental health of the people we do all the commercial shit for then what good is Mother’s Day? I say this to say, maybe someone should have checked in on my mom. The way that she was with me was unacceptable. The things she’s said and the way she treated me was not something I deserved and will never deserve. But I think that she was probably really fucking sad. She was probably dealing with her own heart break, her own self dying a lonely death, maybe she thought about her own suicide and suffered in silence. Maybe she had many dreams and hopes that I fucked up. Maybe I was a constant reminder of a sacrifice she didn’t want to make and well she made that shit known. I felt it. I feel it. But I ain’t ask to be here so I guess we are stuck with each other. But what I’m saying is that instead of celebrating the commercial aspect of Mother’s Day her people should have checked on her mental health. My dad should have been checking on her and helping her. She should have had more support. I feel that deeply.

I can enjoy motherhood because I have a dope group of women with whom I can bare my all. Triple Threat, Mama Bff, Hindu Goddess and Coach Mama are some of the realest women I know and we have been through some shit. We have all shared stories of trauma and drama and no one is judging. Our Mother’s Day is every fucking day because no one is drowning alone. My friends will not let me die, they will not let me suffer by myself and they will be there with me when I wanna cry and fuck shit up. This is the same way where I can lean and be there for them and their babies. Our babies are loved and they are being raised in a village where we are not perfect, we are not ideal but we are present, raw, unfiltered and ourselves. It’s hard being a woman, it’s harder being a mother and it’s even harder dealing with all of that if you’re alone. The world can be a nasty place but I think we have to find our tribe and look for people whose souls vibe with yours. It not enough for us to just say happy Mother’s Day. What? Like don’t give me no plant or flowers or any of that shit. Give me silence, give me a trip to the spa, give me a therapy session and some tequila with my girls. Check on my mental health, check on my heart, check on my emotions and make sure that I’m fucking good. Me the person, the woman, the human being and not JUST a mother.