Temporary Moments of Insanity

I gotta give credit to Triple T because she so artfully came up with this eloquent phrase to describe the feelings that we may feel for short moments BUT crucial because it gives us a jolt we didn’t bank on. I have moments of temporary insanity in my mind briefly and more often than not but last week that shit lasted a little longer than I anticipated. I almost really acted out my insanity in real life and that shit would have been bad. I’m really reflective of what I wanted to do and I am sooooooooo glad that I had the outlet to really let that shit out in a positive way because it could have legit been all the way bad.

What about the people who do not have the room to vent and therefore have no room for sanity so their insanity spills over into the room where the rational reasoning is supposed to be? That’s a really uncomfortable and dangerous place to be because there is no filter and there’s no restraint, therefore the madness ensues. I can identify with this but in short bursts. I experience this when I had an expectation based on what I thought was a routine and the moment that routine is interrupted and there’s no plan put in place to rectify the fall out, I kinda lose my shit. I need structure and I need commitments and I need order in my life. I cannot control what others do but I make requests and hope for the best. Eeeeeek!!!!!!!!! I hate trusting and putting my experiences in the hands of others. Why should I be okay with that?

People surprise me constantly and in the best ways possible. I think that focusing on the tiny moments of joy in each moment helps me with staying grounded and in focus for the current gifts. Coach Mama would ask me where my power lies? She will get me focused and bring me to the moment of presence and the moment of joy, peace and patience. She will ask me how am I being that? How am I being present to that? How am I being my intention right now? I can be in a state of breakdown and temporary insanity but ummmmm how’s that working for me, right? How’s that helping me get to what my desires are? Well it helps because it reminds me what becoming undone feels like. It helps me feel what losing control in the worst way feels like. It helps me see what the results of not honoring myself looks like. It helps me feel what I don’t want to feel and therefore get back to what joy, patience and peace feels like. Sometimes I gotta have temporary moments of insanity in order to create a new beginning. I love that. I need that.

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