Not every person you sleep with is going to be the one you marry or even date seriously. Sometimes, you will meet someone with whom you have a good time with but you have a better time when you’re having sex. You meet up, you go out or skip all those formalities and you drink, maybe get a little lifted and you have sex. This is commonly referred to as a sex buddy, friends with benefits or a fuck friend and I’m not mad at any of it. There are different reasons for fuck buddies, people have their own reasons for compartmentalizing their lives in this way, for me I had one because I didn’t want another relationship at that time. I wanted a friend who I could fuck and I wanted a good conversation and just a no strings attached time. I think this guy may have had a fiancée or something of the sort, I don’t remember the details but I remember thinking GODDDDDDDD so many of these motherfuckers cheat. It’s terrible.
I digress. You guys know that I love me some Bumble and I’ve gotten so many offers to just fuck and I’ve declined most and some I kinda entertained the thought and there’s one that I just may take him up on his offer. I can’t say that I love casual sex, but I won’t say that I don’t love it either. Some of the most consistently good sex I’ve had is with men who I didn’t want as a boyfriend but definitely wanted to keep as a friend because the emotional expectation was just to remain even and not have all the expectations like in a relationship. But what was also really important was that after the sex was done, we just chatted like normal, talked about regular friendly things, maybe had some more sex, he would leave, and we would go on about our lives and that was that until next time. I never felt disempowered, unhappy or lost in this casual arrangement. When I was ready to be in a relationship, I had to cut off my casual sex, and I cut off the friendship too. I didn’t really handle it properly because at the time I thought I needed to cut my friend off because he was a fucking friend (pun intended) and I didn’t think there was room to be his friend when I was trying to do something more serious in my life. That was kind of dumb because all I needed to do was eliminate the sex but still maintain the friendship, but again at that time of life I really didn’t know how. Aahhhhhhhh!!!!!
I love how women are now so empowered about choosing their casual sex partners and not being ashamed about it. There are still some prude bitches and assholes who really are trying to convince me that sex should happen on a sacred bed and in a sacred space and that’s cool and all of that’s what you want. But honestly, while I want connection and something deeper, I still want very good sex. Good sex and I mean really, really good sex can come from a lover AND a friend. I think that if Stallion and I could ever come to a space where we could JUST work on our day to day friendship we could ALSO continue to have good sex. But he is probably a bad example of Lover and Friend given his all of nothing stance. I however, think that someone who I know I’m not really trying to be in relationship with other could be a good friends with benefits that I would indulge in one maybe for a night. Or maybe I could have a FWB who I like to drink with and then go fuck and then leave. I mean I’d like to ideally set that up responsibly and have good, solid, honest communication about it and you know never actually closing the door to what could be something deeper but not going in with that expectation at all. The expectation is sex without the drama, what comes out of that after will unfold when it unfolds.
I was telling Mama Bff that I want diamonds and good dick and those two things may not come from the same person. I am cool with that. I am by no means someone who has EVER used a man for money or anything material. It’s just not me. I’m not into that shit. However if I did meet a man who felt like he loved me soooooooo much that he also wanted to buy me some diamonds, I would not stop him at all. If it so happens that he also provided me with good dick then that would be an absolute blessing, but I won’t hold my breath. Good dick giving is a very specifically skilled art form and not everyone can do it well. Maybe my Diamond Giver is different than my Dick Giver, and that is just going to have to be okay with everyone. We can work out our desires and our needs through communication BUT it’s critical to resolve that within myself before I go fucking up anyone’s life and mine. Life will hand you dick and life can hand you diamonds, I plan on having both.