I Owe You Nothing

Yesterday I had my first Bumble crazy and while nothing happened, enough happened to make me go, WTF? The more I think about it, is the more I’m rattled and a little shook up more than annoyed. There were red flags from the beginning, but the sociologist in me insisted on asking questions and getting the root of what this man was telling me. He opened by telling me I was beautiful and the regular shit that people say when they only have your picture to go by, and I was asking him about him. He told me he smoked a lot of weed, and that he didn’t have any ambitions. He told me he wasn’t going to tell me he had ambitions just to impress me, and I was like um…okay…but fuck, ambitions are for you and never someone else. Then we continued to chat about his life and he told me that women use him for his weed and for his pussy eating skills. I was kinda already in side eye mode, but then I was like so have you created boundaries to make sure stuff like that doesn’t happen? He tells me that those girls are just losers and wanted to use him. I assured him that I understood his perspective but I was pushing to understand how come more than one woman was like that, and how come he saw a pattern but did nothing about it, and he said to me that he is trying to do better in his life now. I was basically trying to get him to see his pattern in choosing people who would use him and of course it would go back to him not setting boundaries. But don’t nobody wanna hear that if they are in complete denial.

Anyway so we decided to chat offline and via text message, against my better judgement, and against all my sensibilities. Good god…I asked him about his ambitions and he told me that he just watched tv and smoked weed. I was like uhhhh so, there’s nothing in your life that’s appealing to you beyond what you do everyday? He was like nah, I just take life day by day and I don’t know anything beyond today. I was like uh…okay…no judgement but just listening. I said well, I like men with ambitions that definitely match mine and he then told me that I needed to get over myself because he’s not going to impress me with ambitions. I simply said that he didn’t need to impress me at all, for no reason and that seemed to simmer him down. But the more we spoke to the more I realized he was one of these guys who really felt like women owed him something because in his mind he was a good guy.

The conversation died down a bit, and I clean out my Bumble inbox everyday because I don’t want it to be filled up with ppl who I know I won’t talk to ever again, and those who I started talking to via text don’t need to be in that box either. Why would I need to keep you in Bumble chat, when we are texting for real? I deleted him among others and I thought nothing of it. Then I got a flurry of text messages that’s came in with rapid fire speed. It was from this guy who said vile and nasty things to me, “You fucking cunt, you fucking bitch, you’re not fucking all that, you fucking wasted my whole day, you fucking shit, you lead me on, you’re a bitch…” Yes, this guy who knew me for a total of two hours decided to curse me out because I deleted him from the app, but not paying attention to the fact that he already has my number to text me on, and his fragile fucking ego couldn’t take what he thought was a rejection. Meanwhile it was just my OCD kicking in and needing it to do what I do which is have a clear box. Wow!!!! Was all that necessary?

The scary part is that I talked to my other Bumble guy friends about it and they were all concerned, and they wanted to know if I was okay and they all were enraged for me because they know who I am, and they know why I even spoke to that guy and the general consensus was “Stop trying to help.” They said it out of concern for me because they know my curiosity and my compassion is really where all my heart and intention lie. They were furious with this guy and they urged me to be careful. I have never had a negative encounter with anyone online because I have pretty good judgement. The men I like are good dudes, and they know verbally who I am and they know how I am, so they are appalled by this dude. Because I’m used to good guys, normal dudes, and just regular men, this experience sucked. I hated it because I could have predicted it would happen but I hate that it happened. I was really sad that it happened that way and I was also fucking shook because what if I’d met this guy in person and I turned him down to take it any further? He seems like the type that would hurt a woman and worse if she rejected him. He has the pretense of someone “nice” but in reality he’s resentful, unkind and fucking dangerous. That’s not okay. These guys are easy to spot but they are low key, high key loose cannons because you never know when and how they will fucking snap. Yikes.

Many of these guys have sob stories about what women and people have done to them. They have this idea that women are beholden to them because of something they chose to give freely. It’s like a guy expecting me to give him my attention after he chose to buy me a drink that I didn’t ask for, nor wanted. You sent this, and gave it to me with the assumption and expectation that I owe you something? lmao! Stop. If you don’t want women to drink your drinks that SHE NEVER ASKED YOU FOR, then stop BUYING DRINKS!!! The fuck?!!??? Like it’s really tiring to hear men talk about how women are users and women are out here trying to scam meals BUT if you’re here OVERCOMPENSATING by spending, flashing your cars and all your fucking material possessions, you’ll attract women who like that shit and you’ll get exactly what you attracted to you and even then…..THOSE WOMEN OWE YOU NOTHING!!!!!! We as human beings want people to understand us, care for us and give us time and effort. I get it. We are here to love people and offer them kindness and our best selves. That’s the easy part for me and everyone starts with an A+ but it’s when people feel like something is owed to them, that when the shit starts getting annoying. Nobody owes a stranger anything and if anyone feels as if they are entitled to my time, energy and effort WITHOUT putting in any work, then they are fucking out of their minds. I’m rattled because they guy was a sick person and my light couldn’t shine on him. I don’t like that. That’s weird for me. But it’s a good reminder that everyone can not be loved the way I know how and not everyone wants to be loved and not everyone is like me. Duh. Don’t be a dick.