So maybe a couple months ago if you’d asked me if I could trust my instincts, I’d say yea…undoubtedly BUT NOWWWWW I’m like, well…kinda. So I’ll always trust my gut but I also like to allow TIME to reveal my feelings and thoughts over time but also to observe others as well. I’m going to always be someone who relies on my intuition BUT that shit has not been awesome lately. I can’t say that in all fairness actually, the feelings are real and the intuition is real but I just do what I want and well, that doesn’t really make sense if my celestial bodyguards are actively moving ppl out of my way and I keep trying to keep them in my life. It just doesn’t work guys. Lol.
This specific thing is coming up for me because I met this person who is a great, stand alone human being but I’m not actively sure that he’s a great person for me. My vibes don’t necessarily match with his vibe and I’m not sure if it ever will BUT TIME though will reveal what’s what. But what if time only confirms what my vibes are telling me from the beginning? I would have wasted time…both our time. So I’ll be straight up and say that I’m not attracted to him AT ALL. I think that’s the biggest sign of vibes, right? I just am not interested in him sexually. I really enjoy his mind, I like our conversations and in general I had a good time with him. But I’m not into him in a way that could be romantic BUT those feelings can grow over time, right? He will not get hotter BUT he can become more attractive to me over time because that is just what happens. Does the attraction have to be there from the very beginning in order for it to work in the long term? Not necessarily BUT it does count for something but I know we can always get better as time goes by.
Here lies the biggest question tho… WILL IT MATTER IN TIME? Should I give it a chance? I could potentially have a wonderful time with this man and a wonderful life. I could have a positive and happy experience and I’ll never have to worry. Could be amazing. Or it could be literal hell on earth. Could I settle for safety and hope the passion and desire grows? I could. But will I? This all begs the question, is it worth it for me to come up off of my time by myself, dating and moments of complete peace to get with someone for companionship and all the other alleged perks of relationships? The perks also come with the headaches and I’m not convinced that a relationship will satisfy me more than my own company. I don’t want to cheat on anybody and I also don’t want to adjust myself to be with someone who may not be worth my time. I don’t mean worth my time like they are not valuable but more like we may not be worth each other’s time if I’m going to always be ambivalent and unsure. I’m not pressed to be in some sweep me off my feet romance. That shit is crazy and it’s not good for my heart, soul or mind. I would need steady and sure BUT I also need to be able to fuck him and make out and go out and be excited that we are together. There is no formula for this romance or dating or any of that shit. You know what matters? VIBES!!!!!!!! Lmao. Vibes matter. Time and vibes. It can’t be one without the other for me and the reality is that if I don’t feel it somewhere deep in my soul…then I’m not convinced I’ll ever feel it.
Well I guess I answered that. I can like you, enjoy you, have a great time and honestly, still just want to be your friend. I have to be able to feel some sense of what thhheeeeee fuck and heart palpitations. I gotta have a bit of a moment where I am a little bit crazy and a lot passionate and with time that shit eases up but it’s still exhilarating and I still want to date you and fuck You like crazy but this shit is just more even and calibrated. Safe is cool of you want to be in hell on earth. But as y’all know…I don’t do safe BUT I think now I at least understand that I need not get so caught up in the deep end that I end up at near death before I bring myself back to reality. Damn. You see why writing matters? What’s next then is needing to have that conversation. Me saying, thank you for being you but your vibes don’t match mine. Good luck. Makes me sad but I’ll be sadder if I forced myself to make it work and I still draw the same conclusion six months from now. Damn. Aight.
Time and vibes gotta work together. That’s that.