To love someone or yourself for that matter is to be free. It doesn’t mean that I will be free of incessant thinking or needing to face down insecurities. What freedom means is knowing that there is nothing wrong, therefore taking no actions consistent with being in a fight and rather surrendering to the universe and doing absolutely nothing. It is our roaming minds that has us look for breakdowns that do not exist. However the moment that I sit still, I breathe, I relax, I inhale and exhale and simply be with gratitude, a wave of peace comes over me. I do worry often and I have anxiety but I also have the skills to transform my worry into nothingness. I sit with the moment, I sit with my breath and I inhale, exhale and feel the rise of my heart and feel the expanding of my lungs. I am present to the sensations in my body and I’m present to the life happening around me. I’m grateful to be able to breathe and create new beginnings.
I am working through allowing myself to be loved as I am. Therefore I am working through loving myself as I am and knowing that who I am is worthy is a fantastic love. I used to narrate my story as someone who could give love but wasn’t necessarily able to receive love. For so long I told myself that I wasn’t unlovable because I was allowing people to treat me as such. But at some point that story becomes old and the truth is that I am dynamic, different, unique and beautiful in numerous multifaceted ways. The love for myself is wonderful and I am worthy of being loved for my excellence, intensity, flaws and all of the things that make me who I am. We are all in the world as a product of our realities and I don’t believe that I am the same girl who was traumatized many years ago. I’m not the same young girl who was unsure of herself. Actually I am a woman who is fierce as fuck and the people who are learning to love me are catching me at a pivotal and transformational time. I am a wild woman. I was a scared and scarred girl. Now, I am unleashed.
I am unapologetically myself. Who am I? I am equal parts bad bitch and compassionate woman. I’m a feminist and I also love men. I am multifaceted in ways that may seem contradictory to others but I don’t give a fuck about that. Who I am, is for me and those who love me will get the best parts of who I am and consistently watch me as I invent myself. I believe that we have to deconstruct and kinda implode in order to come into ourselves. How can we overstand darkness if we do not learn to walk in the dark? I’m not scared of the darkness but I have to remember that living there is NOT a part of my story anymore. Darkness is a part of me, true AND it has served as s fantastic incubation. But right now, this moment is for the light, the transformation and room for me to grow beyond my wildest dreams. I am a wild woman, with wild dreams and the things that I want are for me but also for others. The transformation of myself is on a small scale because the plans I have for me, will in turn transform the world. This fire burning and growing in me cannot be contained. I been told y’all, I’m a fire walker and those who fuck with me, walk in fire too.
I am free. Free to be me. I’m gonna live my life for me. I believe for too long I was playing by these rules that I imposed on myself. I’m done with that. I am free.