What does manliness even mean these days? Opening doors? Pulling out chairs? Fighting a dude who disrespects me? I mean, maybe but those things can be manly but it isn’t the definition of masculinity in my eyes. A man who is masculine is one who stands tall in his strength but doesn’t feel the need to assert it with aggression or overpowering anyone, especially those who are unable to defend against him. A man to me is one who can be dominant and gentle simultaneously. He can listen well and offer advice and his shoulder to lean on and cry on. Masculinity to me is a man who will hold my hand and also pin my hands down when he takes me to orgasm land. A masculine man is a man who walks on the outside to protect me and who plows on my insides like he’s making beats. A masculine man will tell me the truth with compassion but he will tell me even if I resist him. A masculine man will be good to me and patient with me even when I’m not being patient nor good to myself. That man deserves to know the good he does.
I think it’s extremely easy for me to fall into a trap of pointing out what someone isn’t doing correctly. I say it’s a trap because it’s a slippery slope that leads to resentment, hurt feelings and a lack of compassion. A part of recognizing a man, is honoring myself as a woman and accessing my femininity. The right man will allow the room for himself to learn himself, find himself and be good to himself. His ability to be good to himself will leave room for him to be good to me and to humanity. I say this to say that when I know someone is working on themselves it is important to honor their journey and support them on their quest. It is important for me to leave The Alchemist the room that he requests. He has to have the space to be with himself and that has nothing to do with me. I believe that men find their voice and their power in the moments when they are allowed the room to be themselves for better or worse. I believe it is my job as a woman, to encourage, support, nurture, uplift and provide an honest truth. It’s not easy for men in this world to be fully expressed in vulnerability and to be disarmed because the expectation laid out by society is confusing as fuck. I believe that on a case by case basis each and every partnership must listen to each other, leave space, reconvene and share their discoveries.
I am not a relationship guru. I am a myself guru. Ha ha. I’m intimate with me and my shit. I am evolving daily and I’m also really learning who I am in relation to positive masculinity with The Alchemist. He makes it easy for me to access my femininity, my softness, my tenderness and be in touch with my womanhood. We do not define each other, nor do we live to satisfy each other BUT we are reaping the benefits of self love and honesty. The way I experience this man is unlike I’ve ever witnessed before. He is brave in the way that he tells his truth and tells me the truth not knowing what the outcome will be and sometimes he’s scared to death. He’s patient even when he’s frustrated and I love that about him. PMS is a bitch and sometimes it’s just hard for me to deal with myself. His power lies in his ability to be tender, kind and leaving room to overstand what is up with me but also not pretending to be a mind reader, and will tell me he’s available when I’m ready to speak. I love that. I love his dominance and I leave it at that. Ha ha.
Human beings need praise, affirmations, gentleness, tenderness and sweet love. I believe that in 2018 there’s a lot of scrutiny about a lot. I would like to place my focus on improving myself and I want to have people in my life who are interested in doing the same. I am fortunate to know a man who is aware of himself and knows when to say he isn’t sure, he doesn’t know and doesn’t pretend to know. This transparency, openness, honesty and vulnerability are the things that make him so damn beautiful and masculine to me. He is strong and tender, soft and stern, sexy and dominant and a host of other adjectives that you’d use to describe a wonderful man. His shortcomings do not make him any less desirable or unworthy. He is who he is and I am who I am. He allows me to be me and he will check me when I’m dishonoring who he knows me to be and vice versa. I am grateful for an opportunity to bear witness to someone finding their voice after a long time suppressing it. I am excited for him and for myself. What a beautiful life.