There are no truer words spoken than those from the mouth of a person who says they do not want to be in a relationship. Despite the feelings, cute actions and love that could grow with someone like this, it is pointless to look for a future with them. This person will break your heart and you’ll be confused as fuck for a really long time if you don’t stick up for yourself. There’s no getting around someone’s inner desires and no matter how phenomenal of a person you are, you can’t and won’t ever be able to compete with someone’s truth. I believe we can meet people who transform our lives and show us what’s possible for love and relationships but the reality is that person isn’t the one. The person who loves you, values you and sees your worth will either commit or set you free. If you value yourself, you’ll go with the option of setting yourself free. Release yourself from limbo, wanting to be chosen and desiring to be desired by someone who isn’t capable. It sucks! Time, energy, trust, faith and love went into building with someone and chances are more time and energy will be wasted if you don’t step up and pull the plug on the whole relationship.
I don’t think there’s any reason to hold on to someone who won’t commit. Even if you’ve established a solid friendship, the feelings will ebb and flow in a vicious cycle. What happens is that this person and you will engage in some magic moments that will feel awesome. You’ll even take trips together, and share secrets and grow to know each other in ways you never knew were possible. You can fall in love and rise in love and discover the beauty of love AND that still won’t be enough to make them commit if they aren’t ready. Right person, wrong time? Maybe. I think that’s a trap of hopefulness that keeps people completely stuck. One day, someday, maybe this person will want to be in a relationship with you and until then you do what? You close yourself off from others emotionally? You align yourself with someone who doesn’t want a future with you, and that makes you, what? Loyal? Committed? Delusional? Hiding from yourself? Selling out on yourself? Which of those answers resonate with you?
Taking a time out to pause and reflect on your situation could be the answer that your soul needs. When your mind and heart are occupied in the same space with someone you love, it’s hard to think objectively. It easy to overlook flaws and want to see that person in the most favorable light. However, what about yourself? What about your needs and your desires? Are you acting favorably with yourself and for yourself? Are you taking this time to take inventory of your personal check list? Are you honoring yourself? Are you honoring the commitments you’ve made to yourself? Have you even made any? Have you decided what will satisfy your soul and what will not? Are you being present to your needs, wants and desires? Are you being filled by this person you love? Is the answer yes? No? Maybe? Are things starting to hurt more than heal? Are you in a position of wellness and happiness? Would this person be your partner at a wedding? Game night? Life? I’m not asking if they could be one day, but is that person ready NOW? Will they shift their life for you now? Are you their partner or are you just their friend? Are you their support system? Are they yours? So it’s your best friend BUT they won’t commit to you but they would date others… is this what you want? If answer is no to any of those questions, then you need to get away from that person immediately. A situation like this will break your heart.
Self love, self care, self confidence and affirmations should be the guiding principles for your life. You want partnership? Good. Did you find someone who you want to partner with? Good. Are they looking to be partners with you? If yes, then work on it. If no, then leave. If someone has actively said that they are unable to be your partner, in a way that looks like a commitment THEN you don’t have a partner. You have a one sided desire and it will end in disaster. Have enough personal integrity to choose yourself in this situation. Be present to your needs, wants, hopes and desires. Are you someone’s option? Are you encouraging them to have their cake and eat it too? Are you allowing yourself to wait for a person who won’t give you the same energy? Why? What do you think you’ll lose by walking away from someone who won’t commit to you? But I’ll tell you, if you stay you’ll lose joy, peace, happiness, other opportunities for love, peace of mind, loss of hope, loss of faith, you’ll become jaded, resentful and sadness will take the majority of your days. Is this what you want? What advice would you give to your child? To your best friend? You’d encourage them to stay and be confined or completely free? Please love yourself enough to elevate out of a situation that will definitely break your heart.
Choose yourself before anyone else can choose you. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. You know what happens when you wait for someone who won’t commit to you? They take you for granted because you settled for their scraps. They give you any old thing and any old lines and any old behavior because they know you’ll take it. They will disrespect you but hide it under the guise of self preservation and you’ll be okay and go along with it. But each time you accept something that you know is not okay, you further allow that behavior to continue and you dig yourself further into pain. Get out. Get away. Leave. Choose yourself.