There’s been something brewing inside of me for a decade or more that has kept me restless, yearning and destined for more than my every day routine. By trade, I am an educator. I am good at connecting with young people, and I, specifically am passionate about the middle school demographic. I believe that’s where I struggled the most as a kid, and I wanted to grow up to be the type of educator and adult that I needed. It is important for me to connect with that group of kids, especially black and brown youth, because that’s where they form opinions about the world based on how they view themselves. It’s important to me that black and brown youth KNOW how valuable they are and it’s critical for them to be in pursuit of their wildest endeavors. It’s crucial for me, as someone who wasn’t encouraged to pursue my truest passion, to support my youth with becoming masterful at their crafts. Liking something isn’t enough, putting in the work, diligence and practice is what elevates it from a hobby to a career and allows them to become masterful at what they love.
I am a forever educator. I will always speak to a child in the street (much to my child’s chagrin) to offer a kind word. I am in pursuit of honoring my highest and best self, right now. I’ve learned that my instincts will not allow me to settle for a 9-5. I’ve learned that my restlessness was really my higher self nudging me to honor my craft, and my creative endeavors. I’ve been writing since I was 8 or 9, and I write every single day. I use writing as a stress relief, to communicate my truest feelings and to connect with thousands of people who could identify with what’s happening on the inside of me.
Writing assuages my insomnia when sleeping pills fail. Sitting down to write allows the tears and words to flow when I’m processing heartbreak. Dancing with my words elevate me when I am at the zenith of new love. My words bleeding on paper is what has stopped me from making my wrists bleed out in a bathtub. Writing has been my closest confidante, an unapologetic truth teller, and the one thing I could trust above any other coping mechanism. Realizing this is something that sustains me, and encourages me to thrive, this why I will not allow anything or anyone stop me from walking towards my true north.
Recently, I’ve myself more willing to allow would be romantic relationships die without looking back. I’ve also discovered, I have to connect with other creatives who look like me, in the moment, and sometimes that moment comes at an inconvenient time. Recently, I had to excuse myself from a date to connect with an artist who possessed something that stoked the fire in my spirit. I took a gamble, and while I can admit it was an unfair situation to my date, I had to connect with this person immediately. There are no coincidences, and I believe people are placed in our paths for the right reason, at the right time. While I blundered horribly with a potential love interest, I made a connection with a person who truly understood ME without an excessive amount of words. There will be no shortage of dates, and my need to fan the flames of my creative fire will always trump the fleeting and unpredictable ways of my feelings for a guy.
I care about honoring and respecting the people who I date. I will always be willing to hear where I’ve messed up, and I will do better next time. That is ALL I’m willing to do. Energetically, I have ZERO time to commit to conforming, or making myself accountable for someone else’s feelings. The energy I have is for my creative passions, my craft and building out the legacy I was born to create. My pursuit of happiness, is writing, and sharing that gift with others. I am not here to placate, pacify or shape myself to fit the mold for anyone’s fantasy. My writing is the access to my freedom, and I know the universe will keep sending me other creative beings who are committed to find their true north.
Being someone’s love interest is not nearly as important as looking in the mirror and loving the person I see. I’ve been a supporting character in my own life for far too long. I’ve had enough of playing small, and wanting to be chosen by someone else. I am choosing myself now and I’m unapologetic about that. Either you’ll stay and work with me, or you’ll leave. I HAVE to stay consistent for myself, my sanity and my commitment to my creativity. I am willing to work with anyone who is committed to honoring their inner narrative. I can’t change how someone feels about me, and I do not care to. My fire is blazing; match mine, or stay out of the way.