My Writing Is NOT About You…

*Cue Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain“* Mother fucker, please, stop thinking that you’re a subject of my writing. Over the past 24 hours, I’ve had several men in their fragile feelings about my most recent Thought Catalog article about giving a woman the orgasm she deserves. How the fuck does one assume a post about pleasing A WOMAN, mean that YOU are an inadequate lover? Why go to the lengths of suffering, and making yourself feel small, by making yourself the antagonist of MY writing, which HONORS the vagina? WHY would YOU assume that YOU were at the forefront of MY thoughts, when I was writing about something very general and completely unattached to the relationship that you have with me?

9/10 times when I tell a potential love interest about my blog, their immediate question is, “will you write about me?” My answer, “probably, not.” I write about my self discoveries while dating. I focus on my thoughts, my reactions to situations, and all the ways in which I’m learning myself. While I may touch on an interaction that occurred while with someone, very seldom will I dedicate an entire blog post to some dude. Boy, bye!

Now, have I written extensively about people who have impacted me in a way that forced me to examine a lesson I needed to learn? Yes, totally. If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I write about dating, heartbreak and relationships very often. There have been some key players who have been a necessary part of my story, and supporting with my growth and expansion. Stallion helped me bust my floodgates wide open, and while it wasn’t always a pretty situation, I grew by leaps and bounds because of meeting him. The Alchemist, is the man who is THE BEST example of what true love looks like. He loved me so much that he stepped out of my way, so I could focus on myself. His love for me is vast, and deep, I still cannot actually explain the fullness of it, but I can feel it despite not being together. He helped me unlock the next level of my elevation, he deserved acknowledgment for that.

I will never be someone who will actively go out of my way to shame, humiliate and bring another person down in my writing. It is against my personal ethics and morals to use my craft, and energy to create a post about someone’s shortcomings. Behavior like that is cruel, immature and it serves only the ego. I have no interest in hurting someone with my writing, even if I am hurting and angry at the person. If I’m truly hurt, I will address the person privately and communicate with them directly, but I will not put subliminal messages in an entire blog post to work through private issues.

I write everyday as a way to purge. Chances are, I’ll write about a lesson I’ve learned and the way it’s shaped my thought process. I will write about someone specifically if I allow myself to be vulnerable with them and vice versa. Everyone is my teacher and my student. I am present to the lessons I’m meant to learn. However, my lessons are not contingent upon my relationship with every single person I meet. Everybody is special, but very few are special to me.

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