The Spark

Summertime is for variety. Dates here, there and everywhere. My palette is wet for variety and on any given day the man, location and adventure can be vastly different. I like it like that. You guys know I am forever in a dating space, and like anything sometimes it’s incredibly fun and other times it is discouraging, demoralizing and straight up wack as fuck. Anyone can say anything via a dating app, they can also be evasive via text, but sometimes you can get a good little exchange popping off that will leave me hopeful. However, texting chemistry doesn’t always translate to real life chemistry and THAT shit is a bummer. While a man could be handsome, our initial chemistry via telephone could be good, but in person there has to be that thing, the spark, the chemical reaction of my hormones meshing with his, the way our kiss goes down, the way he may eye fuck me, or pull my hair, there’s a lot that goes into several things clicking and if the more important ones align then…GAME ON.

The more I date is the more I narrow down what qualities I really like. I like blue-collar dudes, so you MUST be able to mount a TV, change a tire, build a fence and maybe kill a bobcat. Lmao! I like a man who gets dirty, his hands are calloused, his beard is rugged, he smells a little like dirt, gas, and the dark liquor of his choice and he’s simply himself with no filter because he’s comfortable in his skin. He won’t change for me but he will listen to me, a man who is an alpha male who knows how to be gentle with a woman in the ways that count and rough when it is time to be rough! Give me the lumberjacks, construction owners, masons, carpenters, and all them skilled handymen, but they must also possess excellent business acumen. I have no interest in dating someone who is cool with being someone’s employee forever. I like blue-collar bodies with a white collar mindset, so you’re great with your hands but you also have business sense. You can’t beat that in my eyes.

I’ve also discovered that I have little room for fantasy, and daydreaming about idyllic things. I like the idea of romance but I also like the idea of chilling with a dude I like, taking a walk, having fantastic sex, get into a deep conversation, bar hop, meet fun people and then going our separate ways. I like the idea of making the most of our time together when we are together and living our fullest lives when we are apart. I don’t need incessant I LOVE YOUs in order to feel connected or find value in a situation. I want to feel safe, connected and at peace when we are together but I have no real expectations nor can I offer much when we are apart. Those of you who read this blog know I am not one for exclusive monogamous situations. I am not opposed to monogamy but it’s not what I am basing my life around, and I certainly don’t have a trajectory for how I expect anything to go, because I want my connections to be built organically, over time and on a timeline that’s conducive to the flow of life and not two people forcing something to fit into an idea of what we would like to happen. I just want things to be as easy and unproblematic as possible.

The best thing I love about a natural spark is that it’s usually with someone I didn’t see coming. The less effort I place on trying to make something work, is the more it actually works out. The routine of good morning texts, wyd texts, and let us make a plan to hang once a week is the antithesis of a slow burn, and I need slow burn. I believe in reaching out when I have something important to say, when I know I want to see him and we create that plan. I prefer to save conversations for in-person connection and taking it from there. Anyone who is a parent, works and has adulting to do is going to be very selective with their time and will want to spend it wisely. I can get behind that idea and take things as they come. Spare me the sweet nothings, bullshit promises and things you think I want to hear. Be unapologetically yourself, because that’s who I am and I am not compromising for anybody. Bring your stuff, because I’m bringing mine and at some point, we will unpack. Take your time, because I will definitely be taking my time. Let shit flow and when things stop feeling good, then we can part ways and accept it as part of the journey. Sometimes we are here for a good time, and not a long time EVEN when the spark is blazing. Allow things to run its course and you’ll be surprised by who sets your soul on fire.