Darling, you think you’ve met the one? They are perfection in a body and you just know that your life is complete because you have met this person. Skrrrrrrrrt, until you find out they have a significant other. What is the appropriate course of action here? Okay, so there are a few scenarios here; they are attached and they lied about it, they are attached but claim they are in an open relationship, they are attached and claim they are breaking up but have not broken up yet. Are any of the aforementioned scenarios a good look? Nah, for me I want a clean slate, unmuddied and uncomplicated, the second scenario is the most appealing but I will need EVIDENCE (a notarized letter and a face to face meeting) to show the truth in this claim because BAYYYYYYBEEEEEE motherfuckers are out here lying. They claim non-monogamy while their partners are at home being boo boo the fool doing their best to be faithful to someone committed to living their best life. How can that situation be appealing? Stay tuned, I will tell you how.
My stupid ass most definitely got caught up in a situation I willingly chose because I needed connection, and I foolishly set myself up to lose. I started dating someone who was already coupled and while I thought it could work, and even when the three of us discussed the possibility of an open relationship it still was not done the proper way. It ended with his dumb ass playing both of us and ending up with someone else. I learned that I have to be more discerning and to make choices that are beneficial to my life that can have longevity and not rooted in short term satisfaction no matter what the person says. I reflect on how my ex-husband cheated on me, and the girl who he cheated on me with was super confident with the thought that she and he were destined to be. She calmly explained to me that he was supposed to be with her and their relationship could work within the realm of ours. Bitch, are you dumb? You can keep his ass because fuck all that shit. I did not sign up to be a part of a throuple, and my baby was so new that I really did not give a fuck about him or what he was doing because I did not have the brain nor giving a fuck capacity. Naw. No. Nope. Gone then dum dum.
Relationships take time to form, they require work, a build-up of trust, a breakdown of walls, heart work, bodywork, emotional work, and a host of other life-altering things and nobody has the right to fuck with someone else’s piece of peace they have found within their partner. It hurts to be betrayed more than it hurts to betray. We have free will and yea, sometimes people cheat and there are lessons all around but fuck where is the integrity, compassion, and kindness for another human when you choose to play an active role in the breakdown of a relationship? There is NO CHANCE in HELLLLLLLL that anyone participates in the act of cheating and escapes without any consequences. I understand how attraction works, and I also understand how self-control works too. Do not go where you are tempted AND have a candid conversation with your partner about things that need to be healed. Long term relationships suffer from monotony, boredom, not enough time, lack of dates, sex, and fun and it wears heavily on the relationship. Naturally, someone else at some point WILL shake up something in you that may ignite a flame that you thought was dead and you will become enticed by that feeling and make dumb ass choices. Listen, life is for living, and if you took vows, then honor that shit, and if you choose not to, then make a choice to let your partner live their best life and you go ahead and do the same but don’t be a cunt and ruin errrbody’s life.
I have been all three people in this scenario and what I can tell you is that it feels shitty EVEN when I felt justified. I was a big-time emotional cheater because I shut down I feel like situations have run their course and I have nothing left. I think it was a lack of self-love that allowed me to stay and torture myself. A healthy person will look inward to what serves their highest good, and someone who is healthy may have to make a difficult choice BUT it will be done responsibly and full of respect and reverence EVEN if it hurts. This is what happens when people want divorces or want to break up, that shit does NOT feel good, but it is often the right thing to do if one can no longer honor their vows. That’s not fun AT ALL for anyone but it is so much better than cheating, lying, hiding and staying for any reason that will only hurt in the long run. There is power in connecting with your partner when you tell the truth about what is happening in your head and heart. However, don’t fuck up your relationship based on your feelings for someone else. If you are looking to leave, do it based on the fact that it is no longer workable and it serves no one to stay. If someone leaves their relationship for YOU I am not convinced that’s a worthy burden to carry. If you think someone else’s partner is your soul mate, then you’re all fucked up in the game homey, because that is NOT the answer. Do better.