The Struggles of A Fatherless Girl

However, I’m very much hyper-award of my own feelings because my daughter is acutely experiencing a similar feeling with her father. He hardly calls, he doesn’t show up when he said he would, misses her birthday and holidays and is absent. She recently had a heart-wrenching series of questions about her father’s love for her, was her mad at her and what did she do to make him stay away? My heart broke for her because I empathize so acutely with what she’s dealing with, but I’m so proud that she is articulating her pain and while she said she thought I would be upset that she missed ​him, I reassured her that I could never be mad at her missing her father.

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Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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The Danger of Codependency

I wanted so much for myself but I kept stopping and putting my healing on hold because I was in a holding pattern of hoping, wishing and fantasizing about things being different and yet they were not. It took us months to actually break up, and I finally had to buckle down and pull the plug for good because it felt like poison to my soul. Do I love this man? Oh I surely do but I loved my sanity, well being and healing far more than him.

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The Spark

The routine of good morning texts, wyd texts, and let us make a plan to hang once a week is the antithesis of a slow burn, and I need slow burn. I believe in reaching out when I have something important to say, when I know I want to see him and we create that plan. I prefer to save conversations for in-person connection and taking it from there. Anyone who is a parent, works and has adulting to do is going to be very selective with their time and will want to spend it wisely. I can get behind that idea and take things as they come.

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You Can’t Sit With Us

Every opportunity isn’t for everyone, and all spots have to be earned. We carve out our space in this world, choose our communities wisely, and build from the ground up when we weren’t invited to certain tables. Everyone can effectively choose where they will sit and how they will show up in this world based on their sense of self. Everyone at some point will be rejected from tables, however, that’s an opportunity to create your own. Every table isn’t for everybody and if you want to stay at a table there are rules, and if you cannot comply, then you can’t sit here. Period.

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Sweet Liars

How does one process the painful ramifications of the fallout of the lies from a sweet liar? It’s almost easier to deal with an outright asshole because they never hid their deception. At least assholes are wolves from the beginning and you have a choice to lay with a hungry wolf, who you know will rip your heart and emotions to shreds. Also, with an asshole who is honest, you’ll never have to guess what’s coming, it’ll be in your face and you can make a conscious choice to tackle the situation or not.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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