“Supporting Diversity” is Not Solidarity

Their school demographic does NOT reflect the “community’s cultural diversity” and “at this troubled moment in time,” they are STILL tone-deaf by talking about their commitment to diversity rather than EXPLICITLY stating that Black Lives Matter, they are taking a stand against racism and they are standing in SOLIDARITY with the families of those who have lost their lives due to police violence. It took them a week to make a statement, and I am not sure if they would have said anything if I didn’t publicly call them out. I am not sure that this community-based organization would have said anything about #BlackOutTuesday if they hadn’t received my emails or the emails from other parents or it was it because everyone was doing it too?

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Spread Kindness or Shut Up

Don’t let your childhood trauma make you bleed all over your adult life. It’s sad how some people allow their abuser’ actions rot them to their core. They become vile, vicious, and nasty so much so that they remain alone. Your life is so much more than your pain but that is a choice you’ll recognize once you can look past your pain. Until then you’ll be stuck harboring pain, taking out your anger on others and hiding behind your pride. Your whole life is ahead of you yet you live in the past. Look forward and take your hurt feelings and go.

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Are You Worthy Of Us? (Rules of Engagement for Anyone Who Wants to Date a Single Mom)

 Make a Powerful Choice: Think this all through. The life of a bachelor is much different than life as a family man, raising another man’s daughter. Your life will be forever altered in ways you probably can’t see and once you’re in you’ve got to be all in. You can be scared, and wonder how you can do it all, or even IF you want to do it all. Talk it through with your confidantes, talk to me, talk to yourself, and really strive to be as honest as possible about what you’re about to do. This is a hefty choice and one you shouldn’t make lightly.

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The Struggles of A Fatherless Girl

However, I’m very much hyper-award of my own feelings because my daughter is acutely experiencing a similar feeling with her father. He hardly calls, he doesn’t show up when he said he would, misses her birthday and holidays and is absent. She recently had a heart-wrenching series of questions about her father’s love for her, was her mad at her and what did she do to make him stay away? My heart broke for her because I empathize so acutely with what she’s dealing with, but I’m so proud that she is articulating her pain and while she said she thought I would be upset that she missed ​him, I reassured her that I could never be mad at her missing her father.

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Loving People Despite Their Bad Behavior

What do we do with survivors who forgive their rapists? Do we shame them? Do we accuse them of buying into rape culture and patriarchy? What do we do with our own emotions when we choose to forgive our rapists and abusers? What if we love our abusers and have a soft spot for them in our lives AND carry rage and anger towards them? It is a complicated existence when it comes to the flux of human emotions. We have the juxtaposition of intense rage and complicated compassion. We have accepted apologies but still have nightmares and PTSD. We can mourn men and women who have done horrible things without feeling guilty for doing so.

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Complicit In My Own Suffering

The big picture is romantic. The everyday details are grueling. It’s the work of simultaneously building unshakable confidence and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It’s the day to day of interpersonal dynamics, making a choice to say “I need help.” , “You hurt my feelings.”, “I’m sorry and I want to talk this whole thing through.” Each time I skip over an opportunity to be vulnerable, I move further away from allowing people to learn my language. When I shy away from being honest about my hurt feelings because somewhere in my past someone taught me that my sharing didn’t actually matter. I allowed a rejection at some point to stop me from being open and I allow many opportunities to pass by because it’s simply easier than opening myself up.

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Let Me Love (Control)You

The ones we love will arrive at their lessons when it’s time to do so. Our ability to love someone as they directly stem from how we accept and love ourselves. The more work I do on myself is the more I am able to expand my understanding of what is love and what is control. The more I allow my child to be herself, listen to her realizations and love her despite my oppositions to her path of enlightenment, I can still listen and accept the path she’s choosing barring imminent death. We cannot control what the ones we love do and we shouldn’t because we don’t like it being done to us. Well, I don’t like it being done to me. I am a firm believer in getting burned in order to know that fire is hot and I have to respect whatever people believe for themselves.

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