Loving People Despite Their Bad Behavior

What do we do with survivors who forgive their rapists? Do we shame them? Do we accuse them of buying into rape culture and patriarchy? What do we do with our own emotions when we choose to forgive our rapists and abusers? What if we love our abusers and have a soft spot for them in our lives AND carry rage and anger towards them? It is a complicated existence when it comes to the flux of human emotions. We have the juxtaposition of intense rage and complicated compassion. We have accepted apologies but still have nightmares and PTSD. We can mourn men and women who have done horrible things without feeling guilty for doing so.

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…But He’s A Good Guy

Women should be able to wear whatever they’d like without some man assuming that’s an invitation for him to touch her. The responsibility should fall on men to educate other men on why respecting women matter and how touching women without permission is a gross violation of the trust that has already been established and why stepping in to shut down other men from violating women. It’s maddening to think about how many things women have to do in order to ensure we have a good night and make it home safely to reflect on the good time we had.

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There Is No Safe Space For Sexual Assault Survivors

We must be allies, and advocates for ALL victims of sexual violence. There seems to be picking and choosing who is credible depending on who the abuser is. There’s an unwillingness to believe survivors because our affinity and loyalty for our memories somehow outweigh another human’s traumatic story. The shaming of survivors has been able to thrive for this length of time because fear has hindered their desire to speak up. However, now we have hundreds of survivors who are finding their voice because a handful has chosen to speak up.

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It Was A Comfort…

I went looking for comfort. I found comfort in reading, writing poetry and sex with people who would never care about me, but it was comfort for the moment. I got caught, not in the act but a boy who actually did care and loved me, wrote me letters everyday. I missed one and it was found and I was beaten badly, my nose bled, I had black and blues, I was called a slut, nasty, horrible, lack of respect for myself and other terrible things. Ironically he saw me, not the broken me but the person who wrote poetry and who needed to be needed and wanted. We were both young and he made me feel like someone who belonged to someone. I was beaten by the person who refused to let me be wanted or feel good. He was comfort.

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She Left Him

He’s a classic sociopath, an abuser of the worst kind, charming and yet fucking devilish. She, an outstanding mother, person, loved one of mine and woman did not deserve any of what he was giving to her and her best revenge will be to live her best fucking life. She is NOT the first woman in my life to flee with their lives, clothes on their backs and their children in tow. I have heard horror stories and writing this makes my eyes sting with tears but it makes my fucking blood boil. A man who beats a woman at all is a coward and he should be fucked up.

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