Teachers Are Saviors

I have to say that when I learned about love it came from my teachers. I mean, I am talking about being a new kid to this country, to two new schools and I was going through it. Outwardly I was a smiley, happy and friendly kid but on most days I was fucked up. My head and heart was often distressed as fuck because the adults outside of school took care of my fundamental and basic needs BUT they didn’t nurture nor nourish me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. There were far too many days when I was dangerously close to going home to kill myself and a conversation with particular teachers saved my life.

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Support The Babies

Your judgement and your stupid fucking opinions about millennials, and Generation Z is absolutely irrelevant and out of place. These kids this and these kids that and all the other bullshit that y’all ageist motherfuckers have to say about these kids are annoying. And you know what? Given the way that the world is going, these same kids are going to be y’all bosses, your retirement planners and more than likely they will be the overlords of this country in YOUR lifetime. So buckle the fuck up Bill and Susan…your shit is about to get real interesting, so you better support them because you cannot beat them.

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How Could They?

I would have gone to sleep forever. I wanted to. I literally tried because at 13, I saw no real concept of anything getting better and I couldn’t deal with being on this earth for one more moment. Some people probably would have asked, how I could have done that to my mom, but I would have told them that she should have listened instead of just talking all the time. They would have wondered why, but if they had read any of my poetry or leaned in and asked questions, no one would question my actions BECAUSE they would have gotten that i has actually felt very hopeless. Suicide was my answer because that’s all that made sense.

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An Open Letter To Everyone Who Has Ever Thought About Suicide

There comes a point where you actually don’t feel the negative things anymore and you feel nothing. You feel the bottom of your pain, the part where every single fuck you had has run out and you lay in bed, do your chores, commit your acts of routine and then you just exist. You are a shell of yourself and you just lay at the bottom of your pain and you fade further and further away from the things that make you feel like a person and despite glimpses of hope, you cannot shake the feeling of being invisible and unimportant.

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Eventually It Spills Over

Talking to Coach Mama helped me unpack my own 0-7 and 7-14 trauma and drama surrounding my own ideas about love, acceptance, abandonment, promises and disappointment. I understood the concepts and the realities of disappointment in dealing with my dad. My dad and I are in a good place now because of the aforementioned shit in the above paragraph. However, like I said no matter how much work I do, there’s always that little child in me that wondered why I wasn’t more important than his fears? Why wasn’t I more important than his ego? Why wasn’t I more important than his pride? Why couldn’t he just honor his word and have some integrity? Why not? Those aren’t questions for me to answer because they lie with him.

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Setting an Intention

Who I need be in my interactions and thoughts is the clearing for, joy, patience and abundance. Even on the days that I do not feel like feeling anything, I know I have to push through what I am feeling. Feeling sad, disempowered and defeated are human emotions, and like the weather, it will change and the feelings will pass. I know very clearly that when I have synced up my higher self, set an intention and make an agreement to stand in the face and space of possibilities, things shift for me tremendously.

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