Accepting Mental Illness

I isolated myself to the point of no words, and I became proficient at being okay, fine and just tired. But in reality I was drowning, I was in unimaginable amounts of pain and I was ashamed, embarrassed too scared to speak up because I felt worthless. It’s been hard and it is hard to write to these things about myself but I must. Talking about this here helps me and I know it will help people like me because I know I’m not the only one who has been too strong, for too long but falling apart behind closed doors.

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Your Needs Are Valid – You Are Not A Burden

Training myself to prioritize myself has been a steep battle internal struggle. It is literally me practicing self-care by speaking up for myself AND believing that what I am saying matters, is valued and the person hearing me is receiving me with love. It is a real-life struggle to be my own advocate when I know how to advocate for others indiscriminately. However, it is inauthentic to do for others before I can do for myself. It is a dishonest way to direct people to speak for themselves when I stay silent through injustices inflicted upon me. I have to push through the practice of pushing my tears and words down when they are on the verge of my eyes and lips. I must find the same level of compassion I readily have for others for myself.

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Fat Is Not A Synonym For Ugly

Ugliness starts on the inside. It is the belief that parts of you are so unlovable, unworthy and undesirable, you display those things outwardly. You seek out ways to harm others with words and deeds you usually reserve for yourself when no one is looking. The harshest words and unkindness you tell others, are nothing compared to what you say to yourself. I understand. To be ugly is to reject the parts of you that make you a relatable human being. Fatness is not ugliness. A willingness to shame someone for being who they are is the ugliest and most present sign of self-loathing.

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